Creating Nurturing Moments

7 Ideas for Creating Nurturing Moments

Imagine the success we would have as parent guidance experts if we were able to increase the number and quality of nurturing moments between children and their parents! Research shows that nurturing environments play an essential role in the prevention of child mental health concerns (Biglan et al., 2012; Sroufe et al., 2005). When mothers were more responsive and comforting to their crying infants their babies cried less over time (Ainsworth et al.,1978). This is in direct contrast to the behavioral expectation that by responding to crying, and therefore reinforcing it, crying would increase. We see nurturing as a need similar to sleep and food, rather than something children earn or manipulate parents to get. Creating an environment in which children can signal their needs and explore their environments within the context of support and availability is an important recommendation to deliver to caregivers (Sroufe et al., 2005).

In order to build moments of connection, we should be able to describe what a nurturing environment is and help parents begin to create it with their children. Can they tenderly hold their child? Can they look at them with love? Do they share moments of joy? These optimal nurturing moments build trust and collaboration as an everyday part of the parent/child relationship. You can utilize the following list of concrete recommendations to develop and enhance nurturing moments.

How to Create Nurturing Moments

1. Identify times when the parent is most available to connect with their child.

2. Review the bedtime routine to determine whether moments of connection, such as reading together, cuddling, singing bedtime songs, or having meaningful conversations for older children can be added. Alfie Kohn (2005) highlighted that a frequent penalty for young children when they have misbehaved is to take away their nighttime reading and cuddling with parents. He sees this as a missed opportunity for “righting the boat.” Children are often worried about the relational rupture that their misbehavior causes and this provides a unique postgame moment that sometimes parents are too angry to avail themselves of.

3. Help the parents identify interests the child has that they can explore together, even if it is not the parents’ preference.

4. Help caregivers figure out if there are ways children can help, such as in preparing family meals. Can the child stir what is in the mixing bowl? If the child is too young to truly help, can they cut up their toy food while the parent cuts up the real food? Also help parents set reasonable expectations for the quality of the help; the child will likely not cut evenly or may not stir thoroughly. That is okay.

5. Determine a place in the house that can be used as (or redesigned to be) a place for nurturing. Paris Goodyear-Brown (2021) has many structured suggestions on how to create a “Nurture Nook” for families. Designating a spot with a beanbag chair, stuffed animals, books, or pictures and posters is a good start. Of course, this is not the only place where such moments can take place but, for some families, having that spot designated encourages it to happen.

6. Figure out shows, movies, or audiobooks that families can enjoy together. These activities are not only enjoyable in and of themselves, but also lend themselves to physical connection, particularly with younger children.

7. Develop shared interests and activities, like a mutual hobby, which can provide new topics for positive discussion and moments of connection.

These interventions fall under the category of “a lot of bang for your buck.” If families can try one or more of these strategies consistently, then interactions, relationships, and other interventions will go better. If you value techniques with a high smile coefficient, work on nurturing moments.

This is an excerpt from our book, Working with Parents in Child Psychotherapy.

References

Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum.

Biglan, A., Flay, B. R., Embry, D. D., & Sandler, I. N. (2012). The critical role of nurturing environments for promoting human well-being. The American psychologist, 67(4), 257–271.

Goodyear-Brown, P. (2021). Parents as partners in child therapy: A clinician’s guide. Guilford Press.

Kohn, A. (2005). Unconditional parenting: Moving from rewards and punishments to love and reason. Simon and Schuster.

Sroufe, L. A., Egeland, B., Carlson, E. A., & Collins, W. A. (2005). The development of the person: The Minnesota study of risk and adaptation from birth to adulthood. Guilford Press.