Gentle Parenting: A Psychologist’s Perspective on Trends in Managing Challenging Child Behavior

Picture this: You are watching a YouTube short video. A mother in her 30s supervises her own Baby Boomer mother, who is interacting with her grandchild (DailyTay, 2024). The grandmother uses what might be considered “common sense” parenting techniques, including praise, direction, and discouragement of hitting. The daughter’s corrections to her mother’s parenting style seem ridiculous, including saying “gentle hands” for hitting. She also chides her mother, the grandmother, for using praise. She explains that praise is no longer acceptable as it is “self centered.” This take on gentle parenting is meant to be absurd. Where this video, and the rest in the DailyTay series, become troubling is in the responses in the comments. They seem to miss the joke, instead suggesting use of more physical and extreme responses than either adult would ever engage in.

The comments on these types of videos suggest a wider trend diminishing positive parenting, and instead promoting an excessive anger and dominance-driven approach. This type of anger-based approach suggested in my YouTube feed is not thoughtful or gentle. Instead, it seems to be a promotion of aggressive parenting, where parents’ needs and angry moods are not only prioritized but celebrated. Another strategy, reasonable consequences, when delivered in a consistent and measured way, can be a useful tool in a parent’s arsenal.

For example, there is another popular YouTube video of a mom getting down to her son’s level and listening attentively when he is distressed (memesquared, 2025). We don’t see the full context in this clip, but we do see a mom who appears to be taking her time and listening before reacting. Then we see the child’s older sister “take over” because of the mom’s deliberate response – her gentle parenting. The older sibling violently throws the sibling into the car as well as his backpack, slamming the car door, triumphantly. Most of the comments on this video laud the sister’s approach, finding the mom’s technique ineffective. In this video, the mom’s positive behavior (listening) is seen as enabling. Few, if any, commenters see the problems in an overstepping, impulsive, and aggressive older sister. There are many other YouTube videos showing parents losing control, enjoying their children’s distress, and reveling in their own power. Is this part of a bigger trend of a less empathic, “meaner” parenting approach?

As a psychologist, I (EB) am driven by the examination of effective management of challenging child behavior. The fight for who has the right to have a tantrum (parent or child) seems to miss the most successful strategies. Neither permissive, unstructured parenting, nor parental harshness seems to be the best plan for helping children learn to manage their extreme emotions. The reasonable management of these child and parent behaviors have impacts beyond the family. In my clinical experience, I have observed children behaving in challenging ways in their community that mimic ways they have experienced at home. When these parents were able to shift the way they manage their children’s difficult behavior, the behavior in the community improved as well. And after all, how many movies have we seen where it is clear that the bully became that way because of their parents bullying them? Remember Johnny, from Netflix’s “Cobra Kai.”

Maybe that boomer mom is getting some parts of it right. Perhaps we should go back to Baumrind’s (1966) parenting styles where the authoritative parent who is warm and yet structured is shown to have the best child outcomes. Baumrind’s authoritative parents have high expectations and demonstrate warmth to their children. These parents use reasoning and positive communication, while maintaining high expectations for appropriate behavior. If we are to believe the data, these children, who are raised this Baumrind way, become capable and prosocial. This approach involves more thoughtful, gentle parenting, including listening to children, and setting firm boundaries, as modelled by the gentle parenting endorsing channel, ThrivingMindsMontessori, 2026. It shows reasonable choices (“Would you like to do it yourself or should I help?”) and clear boundaries (“If you can’t put that down yourself, I am going to help you.”).

If it were up to me, I would advocate for us all to:

  1. Be a voice for patience and thoughtfulness in parenting. Don’t buy into this new aggressive trend, including enjoying sadism in parenting. Sorry, Jimmy Kimmel (2022), but having parents tell their children that they ate all of their Halloween candy is enjoyable to many simply because it is sadistic. People can lose sight of what appropriate parenting looks like when presented with such media.
  2. Encourage boundaries, structure, and instruction to children on appropriate, unentitled, ways of being in the world.
  3. Continue to recognize the devastating impact of physical and emotional abuse and neglect on child outcomes (NCTSN).
  4. Recognize what the attachment researchers know. Parenting isn’t a simple equation. It involves the complex interaction of unique individuals with different temperaments, skills, needs and preferences. Maybe the moniker shouldn’t be “gentle parenting” as it seems to imply passivity. Instead we could call it “responsive parenting,” or “authoritative parenting” as suggested by Baumrind, which leads to better outcomes for all.

References

Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of Authoritative Parental Control on Child Behavior. Child Development.

DailyTay (2024). Teaching My Boomer Mom about Millennial Parenting [Video]. YouTube. (Grand)parenting in 2024🫠 #parenting #comedy #workingmoms #grandparents #momgentleparenting #mom

JimmyKimmelLive (2022). YouTube Challenge- I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy [Video]. YouTube. YouTube Challenge – I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy 2022

Lassiter, J. & Pinkett, C. (Executive Producers). (2018–2025). Cobra Kai [TV series]. Sony Pictures Television; Netflix.

MemeSquared (2025). Sister Body Checks Little Brother, Tantrum Fail [Video]. YouTube. Sister body checks little brother: tantrum fail

National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN- Undated. What is Child Trauma: Effects. https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types/complex-trauma/effects\&sa=D\&source=docs\&ust=1774119470748332\&usg=AOvVaw3HUR57HosrI41iKLm6nFNY

ThrivingMindsMontessori (2026). Wrong Gentle Parenting Vs. Right Gentle Parenting [Video]. YouTube. Wrong gentle parenting vs right gentle parenting …#gentleparenting #parentingtips